PURPOSE

Disclaimer: The main purpose of this article is to inspire the readers using writer’s life story. Not to condemn anyone or someone.

Sometimes we do not have the slightest idea why do we exist in this world. I kept asking GOD why am I here? And what do you want me to do? What are the reasons why ‘m I doing these and those? Is it connected with the future?

Let me tell you a personal story of mine. The reason why I’m here in Manila is because I ran away from my family. It was July 02, 2004 when my Dad died due to some illness; everything is still so fresh on my mind, few months after he died my mother suffered from depression to the point that she changed because of vices, like alcohol. That’s her companion, a way to escape sadness, in the morning she’s sleeping, in the evening she’s drinking and drinking and drinking. As if we were abandoned by our own mother but I do understand her even if I can’t, because I have to. “Life goes on,” I told myself, I was fourth year high school then, I almost stop but I never, because my father told me when he was still alive “dai ko kamo kayang paeskwelahon, pero kung gusto nindo mag eskwela mag pursige kamo, dai kami naka tapos iyo sana iyan ang pwede ko magibo para saindo” “I cannot afford you to go to school, but if you want to finish your studies you have to do it on your own, we haven’t finish our studies that is why I am supporting you; that’s the only thing I can do” That exact word is like tattoo that imprinted in my mind by my father , so I never stop even if I have no financial capacity, even if I’m too young to suffer and carry that responsibility, the burden and yes without the help of my mother and my family I never quit, I worked as “boy” local term (baggage) store crew every Sunday at Ocampo Public Market and earn 50 pesos just to sustain the weekdays or school day needs. That year 50 pesos can buy 2 kilos of rice (just for you to have an idea on the value of money pertaining to the year) meaning I have 10 pesos every day that I need to budget, fyi guys 3 pesos student fair during that time and provincial school are normally whole day, Here’s the scenario 3 pesos in the morning, 3 pesos going back home to take lunch and 3 pesos back to school but I need to be at school before 1pm (estimated distance from home to school, 2 kilometer), in the afternoon since we are not rush we will just walk back home, I have 1 peso excess money keeping it for emergency purpose example, we have an emergency contribution or rush project so I need to keep it because no one will help me even my mother wouldn’t and again I understand and I have to, because at the end of the day she is my mother, the woman who carry me inside her womb for 9 months and 16 years. Who Am I to judge? But there was this moment in my life which I feel so unfair after 3 months of being single my mother decided to allow some suitors to the point the she secretly had an affair to old man. She never told us that she already had boyfriend, I will never know until our neighbor told me. I cried hard I felt bad about it as if she thrown away 25 years of memories with papa, She talked to me and again I tried harder to understand she told me that she’s afraid of being alone . Months passed and I graduated, what a fulfillment in life I see myself walking towards the stage because I’ve never quit

After graduation I worked in one of the famous Carenderia (local fast food) in our town, since we already had our own job, mother obliged us to support our youngest brother who was 10 years old then. I was in charge in allowance and hoping that everything will be okay that time, but my mother wasn’t change at all, she was sleeping in the morning and drinking in the evening, which was her daily routine. One time she told my bother to get their allowance but I shouted on my brother because I haven’t got my salary yet, we are paid on a daily basis and still I am working for 50 pesos a day. My mother came and pulled me off away from work area without thinking that many people would see it; I was so shy about it. She brought me home, and while walking to our home, she never stopped saying words about me as if she intended to embarrass her own son. When we reached home she locked me up and told me that I cannot go out without her permission, what I did was I packed all my thing, all that I can carry and I throw it outside the window then I jumped and ran away from home. I had no place to hide so I decided to go to her parents my grandparents.

They were so shocked and asked “why are you here?” I lied, I told them “since I finished my study mama told me that I can stay here and take care of you” best alibi I was not good at lying but it is the only alibi that comes to my mind; they accepted me but lolo really didn’t believe my alibi, he just didn’t tell it to me. Moving forward, my aunt who was also my “ninang”, godmother discovered that I was there so she offered me to stay at her house and she’ll help me to study, after few months she told me that she couldn’t help me due to finances, so I return back to my grandparents’ house, then my other aunt called and offered me to stay to her house, which is located at Valenzuela City. Because she has plan to work abroad and I grabbed the opportunity again hopping that these would be different, and I told to myself I will never show off again to my family. After a few months of staying at her, she told me that she didn’t pass the qualifications that were being asked. It means she will never go abroad but she promised that she will help me to find a suitable job. I work again to Carenderia and after few months I transferred to other Carenderia then I finally found our kababayan “fellow bikolano” who was my aunt friend, she offered me a job with a bit high salary and stay in to their Junk Shop, then they offered me a place that I can stay like my own room which is “Koral” pig pen. It’s not a typical pig pen because its underground of building where junk shop is located it’s made up of concrete materials around 2 feet in height. When my brother Monoy Pogi (he is the second to 6 siblings and the oldest male brother) gets news from my cousin about me, he tried to find me. Then he visited me where I was working and just offers me to stay at Marikina where he and his family stays because he couldn’t take it looking at me working there and sleep at pig pen. So grabbed I the opportunity then I find a job I worked at water station as Service Crew, my Job was to answer phone calls and deliver the orders by using pedicab (bike) after staying there for several months I decided to rent, because I wanted to be independent then study vocational program for 3 months which was Computer Secretarial. When I graduated, it was around March –April my friends decided to celebrate but I suddenly passed out for some reason I was hospitalized for few hours it was 2008 then, after that incident, my life changed to the point that it became a routine there were no weeks that I never passed out and hospitalized. No one was taking care of me except for my friends and boss, they will visit me to the hospital and go home, during release I was the only one who took care of myself, because my brother had no idea of what was happening to me that time. It was a life changing moment where all the realizations come in, the doctor told me that I have this rare illness called Hypocalcaemia; to the entire medical related program who are reading this article correct me if I’m wrong, but according to the doctor it is an illness where sometimes passing out will become normal to me, meaning it will just happen for no particular reason, where and how this illness starts, no operations but there was medical maintenance (Kalium Durule). It happens to a person who has abnormality in excessive release of calcium through perspiration and urination. Meaning it’s normal once we perspire or urinate, our calcium will definitely lessen but automatically replenish once we drink water or any drinks with high in potassium content. In my case even If I drink a lot of water no replenishment coming naturally from my body. There was this one DJ from a radio station who knows me because I’m an avid listener, I kept texting them, then they will greet me the whole day. She called me up because I was one of the winners of their promo Gas, Bigas Cash at Load “Gasoline, Rice, Cash or Prepaid Load”. I chose cash over anything then she ask me why cash? Then I started talking about my situation, she told me once I claimed the price look for Ms. Jacky Berbon and she start narrating that her mother has almost the same situation she told me that Hypocalcaemia is an indication of other illness which is hearth failure so “I advise you to ask help to experts”. When I claimed the price I was so surprise that DJ gave me extra money for check-up. I was so thankful about it, and then I suddenly ask myself “where is my family?” Weren’t they should be the people who takes care of me? I felt alone and helpless, I was talking to myself, “this what I want, right?” To be alone to get away from your family who dragged you down and made you suffer. Then I realized I will never be complete, I found myself trying to locate the old woman who I hated much, my mother. When I finally reached her, I asked her “kamusta napo kayo” ”How are you Mom” and she answer me back “okay lang kami” ”We are okay” and I continued “ma I’m sick, I’ve been hospitalized several times and no one was taking care of me”. She said go home. That moment was like I am watching teleserye or telenovela, Drama Series on TV. Couldn’t help it, but my tears kept flowing as if it’s raining, I feel so excited that time. Right from the moment I entered the bus, after 12 hours of travel via land already reached our town, mom was not there, she was preparing for the wedding of my brother that day, after few hours I saw her approaching entering the gate then I stood up ran toward the direction of my mother hug her and cry “OKAY NA” “ITS OKAY” those 6 letters word are the only words I heard that exact moment. She never asked me to say sorry or what.

The reason why GOD allowed me to experience such things in life is because first he was preparing me for the better and bigger things coming. Perhaps GOD wants me to learn something, like how to appreciate family through thick and thin, for better or worst maybe GOD wants me a better family so I then have a realization that in order for you to become a better person you must understand things, but how? EXPERIENCE IT. Experience is the best teacher, isn’t it? Take everything that comes to your life and thank GOD for it. Know how to convert negative to positive aspects. Because GOD NEVER GIVE US HEAVY BURDEN THAT WE CAN’T CARRY struggles are the best ingredients for your PURPOSE whatever it is. So HOLD IT AND DRAG IT DOWN AND MAKE IT A PLATFORM TO VIEW YOUR HORIZON. Better persons were the worst person. You will never know your PURPOSE unless you’re not ready, unless GOD doesn’t allow. You know what? Until now I still don’t know my PURPOSE. But I am sharing this, also for me to know my PURPOSE and help you to know yours, too.

I am Meljohn Camacho Gaspi and I am Mr. Channel of Goodwill.